So She Ran
by Ciboulette
Summary: And so she ran. Because in the end, that was all Kate Austen really knew how to do. ::Skate-ish drabble::


**This is Kate's Point of View during the part where she leaves Sawyer in New Otherton. I can't remember what the episode is called... Anyway, I focused on Kate's fear of commitment, and rather cowardly behavior when faced with love. Poor, poor, Sawyer.**

**Disclaimer: Why the hell would I be writing fanfiction if I owned Lost? For the uninformed, NO. I am not Damon Carlton, -Insert other writer who I can't remember right now's name here-, or J.J Abrams.**

Kate had once heard that to truly hate something, you must love it first. She had never given the saying much thought until now, as she turned to look at Sawyer. He was still sitting on the bed, scruffy blond hair still plastered endearingly around his face. What struck her most was the look in his eyes; hate.

There was love there. Of course there was love. He had always loved her, Kate knew that, and would possibly continue to play with those feelings as long as was needed. There was pain, too, frustration. Confusion. _Why are you leaving? You don't want no damn kid, so don't pretend I hurt your feelings._

But it was the hate that Kate saw clearly. For possibly the first time since she had known him, since they had been together, the black and pitiless hatred that Sawyer exuded so much was directed at her. It was a rather shocking experience. The selfish child inside Kate was baffled. _How could he possibly hate me? _A part of Kate had begun to regard Sawyer as a constant; screw him a couple times a month, break his heart, ignore him, treat him like crap, but he'd still be there when she needed him. The selfish child had never really considered him _not wanting her. _Backing off. Saying, _I don't want no more of your freaky mood swings, Freckles. I'm outta here._

The hate in his eyes frightened her. The thought of him not being there for her, always, frightened her even more.

She had never really realized it until this moment, but she depended on Sawyer. She might even need him. It was a crazy thought, but still, Kate couldn't help but wonder if it was true. She didn't want it to be true, not by a long shot. She didn't want to need Sawyer, not with her bad habits. How could she return to Jack if Sawyer was constantly on her mind? Something had happened when they were caught together in the bear cages. Something that had been right, that had felt right. Something good. But it wasn't right anymore; she couldn't continue this... _fling. _As much as it frightened her, as much as she didn't want it, she was going to have to leave, and possibly never come back.

_Run._

The word, the instinct, came without waiting for her approval. Her body tensed, heart started to beat faster, preparing her for the most basic of human survival techniques. She forced herself to walk towards the door of the small bedroom, forced herself to _not run. _Not yet, but soon, she would. Like she always did.

The thought stopped her short, and she peeked back at him through her curtain of dark curls. He hadn't moved. The look of hate was still plain on his face. He wasn't running, even though he should be. He should be the one getting away from screwed up Kate, the sooner the better, but he didn't. He didn't run.

He just waited for her to flee. _Like she always did._

Kate's mind whirred fast through different images, scenes that could be from a movie, except they were from her life. Running, running, always running. Running from justice, her mother, her father. From Kevin (_poor Kevin. He really loved you, you know._) More recently; running to Australia, to the fateful flight 815. Running from the Others, _with Sawyer and without Jack. _A decision that had haunted her for days, until she came back and he was playing football.

Was it true, then? Did she run from everything? She remembered childhood; she was the fastest. No one could catch her in Tag, or soccer. Middle school track team, gold medalist. She even remembered a friend saying once, after a vicious game of Capture the Flag, _Do you ever stop running? _She almost laughed out loud, a sound that she knew would have been cold and bitter and without any mirth whatsoever. It _was _true.

There were thinkers, there were fighters. There were talkers, planners, charmers. She was a runner.

It was such a basic principle of human instinct; _running. _Running from danger, from the unknown. From lions, and woolly mammoths, back when humans were first able to put two and two together (charging moose and self equals _oh, shit._) and decide whether to stand and fight, or to run away. Was there something wrong with her? Did she somehow miss the human gene that enabled _thinking _and choosing the option best suited to the situation?

Her cave-dwelling ancestors wouldn't run. They would stand and fight, fight for what they wanted. She, however, wouldn't. She would run, even if running wouldn't solve anything, even if running would fuck everything up. That's what she did, what she'd always done, and what she would always continue to do.

The realization hit her like a truck going at eighty miles an hour. So that was it, then. She would run. She didn't need Sawyer, she didn't want to need Sawyer. Running away would fix the problem. It would save her ass, and maybe even force him to get over her. It was for the best, running. It was a good idea.

Except it wasn't. And Kate knew that, knew it even as she was half-heartedly tried to convince herself. It wasn't a good idea. But it was an easy idea. It was an idea she could cope with, a plan she could carry out. It wasn't a good idea, but, in her mind, it was better then letting herself be tied down. Letting her be vulnerable. Letting herself be loved.

And so she ran. Because in the end, that was all Kate Austen really knew how to do.

**Sorry, Kate lovers! But was to intriguing an idea for a fic to pass up. I like Kate in the beginning of the series; before she starts her bouncing back and forth between Sawyer and Jack. Then, she just starts to irk me.**

**Anyway, Skate is pretty much dead. I couldn't believe it when John told Kate that everyone on the island would die if she didn't go back, and she just said, "So?" My jaw actually dropped. After Sawyer jumped out of the helicopter to save her? Stupid bitch.**

**~Ciboulette**

**P.S- Whoa. This is kinda short. -shrug- Eh.**


End file.
